{"id":3353,"date":"2024-04-14T21:18:07","date_gmt":"2024-04-14T19:18:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/?p=3353"},"modified":"2025-07-02T22:58:18","modified_gmt":"2025-07-02T20:58:18","slug":"bu-gun-benim-dogum-gunum-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/?p=3353","title":{"rendered":"Bu G\u00fcn Do\u011fdu\u011fum g\u00fcn"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00d6zl\u00fcyorum \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumu<\/h1>\n

Merhaba \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, sanad\u0131r bu mektubum.\"\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

Seni \u00e7ok \u00e7ok \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum..! Denenmi\u015f her \u015feye ra\u011fmen \u00e7aresiz ve sessizce. K\u0131z\u0131yorum sonra sana, ac\u0131yorum. O kadar tutkuyla ba\u011fl\u0131, o kadar vefayla sad\u0131k olmama ra\u011fmen, gidip d\u00f6nmeyi\u015fine k\u0131z\u0131yorum. \u00c7ok ani oldu, \u00e7ok vakitsiz, \u00e7ok gizemli. Bir veda bile etmedin ki. Hen\u00fcz buna bir isim bulma kavgas\u0131ndayken, terk edildi\u015fimi d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorum. Bu sevgiye, bu ba\u011fl\u0131l\u0131\u011fa, kendini lay\u0131k g\u00f6remedi\u011fin i\u00e7in ac\u0131yorum sana.<\/p>\n

1950 Y\u0131l\u0131 Nisan\u2019n\u0131n 14 d\u00fcnde \u00dcsk\u00fcdar Zeynep Kamil \u00e7ocuk hastahaesinde ailemin \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcnc\u00fc \u00e7ocuklar\u0131 olarak d\u00fcnyaya gelmi\u015fim. Hemde Annem ve babam\u0131n k\u0131z \u00e7ocuk hayallerini parampar\u00e7a ederek. Ben pek hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum, \u00fc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131ma kadar, annem beni k\u0131z \u00e7ocu\u011fu gibi giydirirmi\u015f. Rahmetli Dedem kendi ad\u0131n\u0131 okumu\u015f kula\u011f\u0131ma; Mehmet Tevfik, bu sebepten dolay\u0131 olsa gerek, ne Annem ne de Babam, Dedemin, Babaannemin sa\u011fl\u0131\u011f\u0131nda bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc, Mehmet ve ya Tevfik olarak \u00e7a\u011f\u0131ramam\u0131\u015flar beni. Dedemin, Babaannemin\u00a0 yan\u0131nda Memo\u015f derlermi\u015f. Bu Ad ile \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131lmaya okadar \u00e7ok al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f\u0131m\u2019ki, birisi Mehmet veya Tevfik olarak ad\u0131m\u0131 s\u00f6ylese, d\u00f6n\u00fcp bakmazm\u0131\u015f\u0131m. \u00dc\u00e7 ya\u015f\u0131mdayken Dedemin \u00dcsk\u00fcdardaki evine yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z bir bayram ziyaretinde, Dedem elimden tutarak beni Yeni mahalledeki berber Manola g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcp, sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 kestirmi\u015f. Hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum;\u00a0 \u00f6yle anlat\u0131rlar. \u00c7ok \u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015f ve a\u011flam\u0131\u015f\u0131m. \"\"<\/a>Omuzlar\u0131mdan a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 d\u00f6k\u00fclen, l\u00fcle, l\u00fcle sa\u00e7lar\u0131m, kolal\u0131 kurdelemi hi\u00e7 hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum, sadece resimlerde g\u00f6r\u00fcyorum kendimi\u2026 D\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fck\u00e7e\u00a0 seni,\u00a0 sana imrendi\u011fim de oluyor. \u015eaka ile kar\u0131\u015f\u0131k k\u0131z olsaym\u0131\u015f\u0131m baya\u011f\u0131 can yakarm\u0131\u015f\u0131m herhalde.<\/p>\n

Hani yeni al\u0131nan bir oyunca\u011fa kan\u0131p, daha \u00f6nce al\u0131nm\u0131\u015f b\u00fct\u00fcn oyuncaklar\u0131n\u0131 g\u00f6zden \u00e7\u0131kar\u0131rd\u0131n ya. \u00c7ok \u00e7abuk k\u00fcser \u00e7ok da \u00e7abuk bar\u0131\u015f\u0131d\u0131n. Zaten sadece bir \u00e7ocuk, kendisine yeni birinle oldu\u011fu g\u00fcnlerde\u2019ki\u00a0 gibi, bir\u00e7ok kez sorgulam\u0131\u015ft\u0131r.<\/p>\n

Hayat\u0131m\u0131 s\u0131f\u0131rlamay\u0131 d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm\u2019m\u00fc? Bilmiyorum daha do\u011frusu hat\u0131rlam\u0131yorum. Her\u015feyi y\u0131k\u0131p yeniden ba\u015flamak; al\u015fkanl\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131, duygular\u0131m\u0131, hayat\u0131ma e\u015flik eden her objeyi, her nesneyi, her bireyi tamamen de\u011fi\u015ftirmek. \u00d6yle pek fazla oyunca\u011f\u0131m\u2019da zaten yoktu. A\u011fbimlerden kalan kur\u015fun askerler, arkada\u015flar aras\u0131nda oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z misketlerim, kafa kar\u0131\u015f gibi oyunlar\u0131 \u00a0hat\u0131rl\u0131yorum. Arkada\u015flarla oynad\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z yakar top, saklamba\u00e7, \u00e7elik \u00e7omak, birdirbir\u00a0 gibi oyunlar\u00a0 hayal, mayal belle\u011fimde duruyor hala.<\/span><\/p>\n

Be\u015f ya\u015f\u0131mdayd\u0131m unutmad\u0131\u011f\u0131m an\u0131lar\u0131mdan biri olarak anlatabilirim; Babam siyah bir jip getirmi\u015fti ileri geri ittirilen pedalla \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yordu. Farlar\u0131 bile yan\u0131yordu, Evimizin bulundu\u011fu sokak Tepek\u00f6yde Nevruz\u00a0 Mevki\u00a0 soka\u011f\u0131 ba\u015ftan sona beton d\u00f6k\u00fcl\u00fc oldu\u011fundan, \u00a0burada jipime binebiliyordum. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumdan hat\u0131rlad\u0131klar\u0131m aras\u0131nda hep benim i\u00e7in \u00f6zel olanlard\u0131 Alt\u0131 ya\u015f\u0131nda ilkokula ba\u015flayaca\u011f\u0131n y\u0131l Babam\u0131n eve getirdi\u011fi Tay Memmo\u015f i\u00e7in \u00e7ok \u00f6zeldi; \"\"<\/a>Ad\u0131n\u0131 Atlas koyduk annesi \u00f6lm\u00fc\u015f ve arka bah\u00e7emizde Babam\u0131n yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 bir barakada kal\u0131yordu \u015ei\u015fe biberonlar ile besliyor t\u00fcm g\u00fcn\u00fcm\u00fc onun yan\u0131nda ge\u00e7iriyordum. Denize falan ka\u00e7mad\u0131\u011f\u0131m i\u00e7in, kap\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n \u00f6n\u00fcndeki \u00e7am a\u011fac\u0131na\u00a0 zincir le ba\u011flam\u0131yorlard\u0131 art\u0131k beni.<\/p>\n

Ama insan deneyimlerini de\u011fi\u015ftiremez ki. \u0130nsan, deneyimlerinin \u00fcr\u00fcn\u00fcd\u00fcr hatta. Ve ben her g\u00fcnden, her do\u011fan yeni g\u00fcne do\u011fru s\u00fcr\u00fckleniyorum sadece. \u0130\u015fte bu nokta’da imreniyorum sana. Erdemli olmal\u0131y\u0131m, yapam\u0131yorum senin gibi. Beynimde ard\u0131 ard\u0131na soru i\u015faretleri \u00e7o\u011fal\u0131yor sonra. \u00d6r\u00fcmcek a\u011f\u0131n\u0131 olu\u015fturmaya ba\u015fl\u0131yor;\u00a0 ves vese! \u00c7ocuk\u00e7a.<\/p>\n

Hep bir zan alt\u0131nda kalmak, hep bir ahmakl\u0131k. Acaba benimleyken beni hep denedin mi? Sana diyorum \u00c7ocuklu\u011fum, yan\u0131mdayken hep kulland\u0131n m\u0131 beni? Bu mevcut halime sen mi s\u00fcr\u00fckledin acaba?\"\"<\/a>\u00a0<\/a>Sa\u00e7mal\u0131yorum her zamanki gibi. Bo\u015f ver, bo\u015f ver s\u00f6ylediklerimi. Seni sorgulayaca\u011f\u0131ma, seni sana \u015fikayet edece\u011fime, ge\u00e7irdi\u011fimiz g\u00fczel an\u0131lar\u0131 yazmal\u0131y\u0131m. Tellere tak\u0131lan u\u00e7urtmam\u0131z\u0131, nur y\u00fczl\u00fc Babaannemizi anlatmal\u0131y\u0131m. Biliyor musun? Sen gidince Atlas\u2018 ta gitti, Babaannem de beni terk etti. Bildi\u011fim masallarda \u00a0kayboldunuz. Sanki, yer yar\u0131ld\u0131 da i\u00e7inde yok oldunuz. \u00c7ok sonralar\u0131 babaannemin durumundan haberdar oldum. Babam anlatt\u0131 bana. Babaannem u\u00e7ma\u011fa varm\u0131\u015f. Hatta mezar\u0131na g\u00f6t\u00fcrd\u00fcler. \u00dc\u015f\u00fcyormu diye d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnd\u00fcm!\u00a0 G\u00f6rd\u00fcm ki\u00a0 senden hi\u00e7bir iz kalmam\u0131\u015f. Teker teker okudum mezarl\u0131ktaki ta\u015flar\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcne yaz\u0131lm\u0131\u015f isimleri. Benim ad\u0131mda yaz\u0131l\u0131yd\u0131, ama ben biliyordum o ben de\u011fildim; Dedemdi orada yatan. Daha sonralar\u0131 sen terkettin onlar\u0131 en sevdi\u011fin arkada\u015flar\u0131n\u0131;\u00a0istemi\u2019yi, Bumin\u2019i, Nesrin\u2019i, G\u00fclin\u2019i,\u00a0 \u0130rfan, Fikret, Nur, Erkan, Engin, Fikret, Maki, Niki, \u00d6mer, Ha\u00e7ik, Hasan<\/strong>\u00a0(Yamyam) ve daha nicelerini. \u00a0asl\u0131nda onlarda teketmi\u015flerdi Memo\u015fu. Hemde bir veda bile etmeden,\u00a0 \u00f6\u011frenemeden sebebini.! Ge\u00e7en sabah i\u00e7im ge\u00e7mi\u015f, sersem gibiyim. Gene hat\u0131rlad\u0131m seni. Vurdum duymazl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131, g\u00fcl\u00fcmseyi\u015fini hatta h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra,\u00a0h\u0131\u00e7k\u0131ra a\u011flamalar\u0131n\u0131. Bazen seni \u00e7ok \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum. \u015e\u0131mar\u0131kl\u0131\u011f\u0131n bile, bu g\u00fcn \u00e7ok sempatik g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcyor g\u00f6z\u00fcme. G\u00f6zlerim doluyor ama akm\u0131yor ya\u015flar y\u00fcz\u00fcme, a\u011flayamad\u0131m i\u015fte. \u0130\u00e7imden bir ses ay\u0131pl\u0131yordu belki seni . Yok, yok! \u0130tiraf etmeliyim. \u0130\u00e7imdeki ses de\u011fildi ay\u0131playan, sadece basit bir sesten ibaretti. Tamda beni terketti\u011fin, bir daha geri d\u00f6nmeyece\u011fini s\u00f6ylemeden, en ufak bir haber vermeden gidi\u015findi.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

\u0130stemihan ve Bumin evlerinin teras\u0131nda Monoply<\/p><\/div>\n

Ne kadar \u00e7ok \u00f6zledim seni, ne kadar ba\u011f\u0131rsam, a\u011flasam da nafile. Mektuplar yazd\u0131m g\u00f6ndermek i\u00e7in yeni\u00a0 adresine. Bir adresinin olmad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 anlad\u0131\u011f\u0131mda, fark\u0131na vard\u0131\u011f\u0131mda k\u0131z\u0131yor, \u00f6fkeleniyordum kendime. D\u00f6rt elle sar\u0131ld\u0131m, senden sonra daha yeni Tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m, kayna\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m ergenli\u011fime, belkide hayat\u0131m\u0131n ikinci\u00a0 b\u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcne\u2026 Kim bilir yeni yeni ba\u015flam\u0131\u015ft\u0131 gen\u00e7li\u011fimin ilk belirtileri. Belkide ilk defa biri ile ilgilenmek, anlayamad\u0131\u011f\u0131m duygular ile tan\u0131\u015fmak \u2018da vard\u0131\u00a0 kaderimde. Tepek\u00f6y den elimde indirdi\u011fim\u00a0 kaykaylar\u0131m belkide ilk defa benim sayemde tan\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015ft\u0131 B\u00fcy\u00fckadayla.\u00a0 \u00d6\u011frenene kadar\u00a0 bir \u00e7ok yerimi incitmi\u015f ve yaralanmas\u0131na sebep olmu\u015ftum.\u00a0 O kaykaylar sayesinde yak\u0131nla\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m belkide ilk defa farkl\u0131 duygular ile tan\u0131\u015fmama sebep olan arkada\u015f\u0131m Nesrinnin de d\u00fc\u015fmesine \u015fahit olmu\u015f derinden \u00fcz\u00fclm\u00fc\u015ft\u00fcm. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumu tamamen kaybetti\u011fim y\u0131llar\u2019d\u0131,\u00a0 bir daha unutamad\u0131m,\u00a0 \u00c7ok geri d\u00f6nmek istesem de olmad\u0131. B\u0131rak\u0131n d\u00f6nmeyi bir adrssi bile yoktu. Yeni tan\u0131\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m ergenli\u011fimin, getirdi\u011fi yeni duygular henn\u00fcz yeni yeni anla\u015f\u0131lmaya ba\u015flam\u0131\u015fken Ailecek Adadan Ayr\u0131laca\u011f\u0131m\u0131z\u0131n\u00a0 haberi \u00c7aresizli\u011fimin son sahnesiydi.<\/p>\n

\nhttp:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2006\/04\/Memos-dogum-gunum.mp4<\/a><\/video><\/div>\n

<\/h4>\n

\u00dcsk\u00fcdara ta\u015f\u0131nd\u0131ktan sonra Hudora Marka\u00a0 kaykaylar\u0131m\u0131 bir daha kullanmak nasip olmad\u0131. \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumun son d\u00f6nemlerinde\u00a0 Ergenli\u011fimin ba\u015flar\u0131nda neyim varsa kaybbetmi\u015f gibi hissetmenin a\u011farl\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131 nas\u0131l ta\u015f\u0131yaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bilemedim…<\/strong><\/p>\n

YA\u015eAM DED\u0130\u011e\u0130N ASLINDA B\u0130R T\u0130YATRO SAHNES\u0130\u00a0 \u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

Ya\u015fam dedi\u011fin asl\u0131nda bir Tiyatro sahnesinden ibarrettir. S\u0131ras\u0131 gelirse rol\u00fcm\u00fcz\u00fc oynar\u0131z. Sufle gelmezse do\u011fa\u00e7lar\u0131z.\u00a0 <\/strong>Ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z yer B\u00fcy\u00fck Adaysa yorucudur Tepek\u00f6yd\"\"<\/a>e oturmak. Nevruz mevki soka\u011f\u0131ndan yoku\u015fu inmek, \u00e7\u0131kmak her defas\u0131nda, kald\u0131r\u0131m ta\u015f\u0131 d\u00f6\u015feli yolda ko\u015fmak. Bisikletin olsada pek fayda etmez, arnavut kald\u0131r\u0131ml\u0131 yollarda. Olmazsa olmaz\u0131d\u0131r B\u00fcy\u00fckadan\u0131n ya araba, At , ve\u00a0 yahut e\u015f\u015fek.\u00a0 Bisiklet bile yaramaz i\u015fe.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazd\u0131klar\u0131m, ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131n yerini al\u0131yor. \u0130nsan yazarken, yazd\u0131klar\u0131n\u0131 ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131 san\u0131yor, zihnimin derinliklerinde uyuyan gizli d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcnceler uyan\u0131yor. Solmu\u015f yok olmaya y\u00fcz tutmu\u015f duygular\u0131m canlan\u0131yor. Uzakta kalm\u0131\u015f \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, gen\u00e7lik an\u0131lar\u0131m yorgun y\u00fcre\u011fimi ac\u0131s\u0131yla, tatl\u0131s\u0131yla ok\u015fuyor. Ruhumda zaman zaman olu\u015fan karamsar duygular unutuluyor, her \u015fey g\u00fczel ve sevgiyle hat\u0131rlan\u0131yor, \u00e7irkinlikler \u00f6rt\u00fcl\u00fcyor. \u00d6yleyse, burun k\u0131v\u0131rmadan bu mutlulu\u011fun tad\u0131n\u0131 \u00e7\u0131kartmal\u0131y\u0131m. \u0130nsan bu kadar ya\u015fad\u0131ktan sonra, gelecek g\u00fcnlerden \u00e7ok az \u015fey umuyor g\u00f6nl\u00fc avuntuya, yenili\u011fe muhta\u00e7.<\/span><\/p>\n

Yazd\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131 ba\u015fkalar\u0131n\u0131n g\u00f6z\u00fcyle okumak, onlar\u0131n sesinden dinlemek \u015fa\u015f\u0131rt\u0131c\u0131 ve g\u00fczel sanki bana ait de\u011filmi\u015f gibi geliyor.<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Bir resim beliriyor g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde k\u0131r\u0131k bir aynaya bakar gibi, par\u00e7alanm\u0131\u015f aynalara benziyor g\u00f6nl\u00fcm. Sanki bir bal\u0131k a\u011f\u0131na a\u011f\u0131na yakalanm\u0131\u015f y\u0131llar, unutulmu\u015f an\u0131lar da\u011farc\u0131\u011f\u0131mda. Sonra esen<\/span><\/p>\n

bir lodos r\u00fczgar\u0131, silip s\u00fcp\u00fcr\u00fcyor ruhumda kalan tozlar\u0131. Daha \u00e7ok netle\u015fiyor g\u00f6r\u00fcnt\u00fcler. Onu hat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m zaman, as\u0131l can\u0131m\u0131 yakan unutmu\u015f gibi davranmam de\u011fil mi? Ne seni unutturacak kadar zaman ge\u00e7ecek bu a\u015fk\u0131n \u00fczerinden nede ge\u00e7en zaman seni unuturmaya yetecek. B\u0131rak\u0131p gitmi\u015f olsanda, sak\u0131n unuturum sanma, zaman sensizli\u011fe aI\u0131\u015fmay\u0131 \u00f6\u011fretir Ama; unutmay\u0131 asIa.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hayat\u0131mdaki a\u015fklar\u0131, sevileri, Dostluklar\u0131 kal\u0131c\u0131 olmas\u0131 gerekli an\u0131lar\u0131 bile, hep ge\u00e7ici sanm\u0131\u015ft\u0131m. Tekrar ya\u015famak i\u00e7in geriye d\u00f6nmedi zaman\u0131m. \u015eimdi her \u015fey i\u00e7in ne kadar da ge\u00e7 kald\u0131m. O an, her zamankinden daha g\u00fczeldi. A\u00e7m\u0131\u015f kollar\u0131n\u0131 u\u00e7acak bir ku\u015f kadar narin, Sedefe bak\u0131yor, neyi bekliyorduk\u2018ki? G\u00f6ky\u00fcz\u00fc ile deniz aras\u0131na s\u0131k\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f g\u00fcne\u015fin \u0131\u015f\u0131klar\u0131, dalgalarla oyun oynuyor. Bizi anlatan \u015fark\u0131lar\u0131 beraber dinlerdik, yolumuzu sonsuzlu\u011fa do\u011fru \u00e7izecektik, s\u00f6z vermi\u015ftik \u00e7ocuk\u00e7a. Kumsala serilmi\u015f ruhum, ayaklar\u0131ma \u00e7arpan dalgalar\u0131 hissediyor. Nas\u0131l bilebilirdim,buran\u0131n her \u015feyin ba\u015flad\u0131\u011f\u0131 ve bitti\u011fi yer oldu\u011funu.<\/span><\/p>\n

Kim beni onun elinden ald\u0131, onu benim elimden, umurumda de\u011fil. A\u015f\u0131nd\u0131rd\u0131\u011f\u0131m kald\u0131r\u0131mlar\u0131na bu Adan\u0131n ne s\u00f6yleyebilirim? Ancak, huzursuz, ne\u015fesiz oturup bekleyebilirim. Tutkuyla kanatlanm\u0131\u015f, kalbimi \u00e7arpt\u0131ran, sonra bir kayaya \u00e7arpm\u0131\u015f gibi bu sevgi de\u011fil mi beni ya\u015famaktan al\u0131koyan? Art\u0131k g\u00f6zlerimin \u00f6n\u00fcnde beliren resimlerde bulan\u0131k, beni yaln\u0131z b\u0131rakmalar\u0131n\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorum dinlemiyorlar. Belki de bir hayal, herkesin g\u00f6rd\u00fc\u011f\u00fc ve ac\u0131 \u00e7ekti\u011fi. Her \u015fey biz insanlar i\u00e7in de\u011fil mi? Ben kendimle konu\u015fuyorum, bendeki seni anlat\u0131yorum. Sen ba\u015f\u0131n bana d\u00f6n\u00fck, elimde ellerin, y\u00fcz\u00fcnde mutlu bir ifade bak\u0131yorsun. \u0130nan\u0131r\u0131m i\u00e7inden \u015fark\u0131 s\u00f6yl\u00fcyorsun sessizce arada bir g\u00f6zlerini a\u00e7\u0131p d\u0131\u015far\u0131daki gecenin koyu mavili\u011finde. Sanki i\u00e7imden ge\u00e7enleri duyuyorsun. Bel<\/span>ki\u2018de \u00f6yle olmas\u0131n\u0131 diliyorum kendimce. Aynen Hiristos tepesine ka\u00e7t\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z da yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z gibi.<\/span><\/p>\n

Elinden tutup, \u00e7ay\u0131rlarda ko\u015fmak istiyorum seninle. Kelebekler gibi dansetmek yemye\u015fil \u00e7imlere kar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015f papatya, gelincik \u00e7i\u00e7eklerinin \u00fczerinde. Sonra Hiristosta bir a\u011fa\u00e7 g\u00f6lgesine s\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131p, g\u00fcnah i\u015flemek g\u00f6zlerinin i\u00e7inde.<\/span><\/p>\n

Cessur mert \u00e7ok da zeki. \u0130yi biri ama ayak uyduram\u0131yorum ona. \u015eartland\u0131r\u0131yor, kas\u0131yor, yontuyor bazen k\u0131s\u0131tl\u0131yor, de\u011fi\u015ftirmeye \u00e7al\u0131\u015f\u0131yor beni. Anlayaca\u011f\u0131n, gen\u00e7li\u011fim a\u015f\u0131yor beni. B\u00fcy\u00fck adadaki gen\u00e7lik y\u0131llar\u0131m. Her \u015feyimi payl\u015ft\u0131\u011f\u0131m Leyla D\u0131planzade Ablam bile\u00a0 \u00e7aresiz!<\/span><\/p>\n

<\/span><\/p>\n

T\u00fcrkiyenin di\u011fer \u015fehirlerini g\u00f6rd\u00fckten ve ya\u015fad\u0131ktan sonra k\u0131ymete bindi Do\u011fup b\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm B\u00fcy\u00fckada. Her ne kadar k\u0131\u015f\u00a0 aylar\u0131n\u0131 maduriyet aylar\u0131 olarak tan\u0131mlasamda Bu g\u00fcn orada ya\u015fad\u0131\u011f\u0131m her g\u00fcne \u015f\u00fckrediyorum. Arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n bir \u00e7o\u011funu bu g\u00fcn g\u00f6rsem tan\u0131yamam herhalde, onlar i\u00e7inde ayn\u0131 \u015feyler ge\u00e7erlidir.\u00a0<\/span>Fikrimin her \u015feyime kar\u0131\u015fmas\u0131, her \u015feyde bir karara varmas\u0131 korkutuyor beni. Oysa karars\u0131z kalmak laz\u0131m bazen, ya\u015fay\u0131p g\u00f6rmek i\u00e7in musibetleri. Bazen bir kahin gibi, seninle ya\u015fad\u0131klar\u0131m\u0131zdan da, gelece\u011fimden de iyi, g\u00fczel\u00a0 \u015feyler temmeni etmeliyim . Tabi bu bir az da \u015f\u00fcpheli olsa da vaz ge\u00e7memek laz\u0131m hayallerden.<\/span><\/p>\n

Acaba sall\u0131yor mudur? Sall\u0131yor da tutturuyor mudur? Bunun cevab\u0131n\u0131n\u0131 alam\u0131yorum. \u00dczm\u00fcyorum, de\u011fil mi seni? Umuyorum ki s\u0131km\u0131yorum can\u0131n\u0131. Gayem bu de\u011fildi zaten, dile getirmek istedim sadece \u00f6zlemimi. Seni \u00e7ok \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum. Babaannemim anlatt\u0131\u011f\u0131 masallar\u0131 d\u00fc\u015fler gibi. Hastaland\u0131\u011f\u0131m\u0131z gecenin sabah\u0131na kadar ate\u015fler i\u00e7inde say\u0131klar gibi. Seni \u00e7ok \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum. Eski resimlere bakt\u0131\u011f\u0131mda hat\u0131r\u0131mda kalan sadece hitab etti\u011fim gibi baz\u0131 arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131n soy isimlerini ne yaz\u0131k’ki hat\u0131rlayam\u0131yorum.<\/span>\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u00dcmit, Fikret, \u00d6zkan. \u0130rfan, \u00d6mer, Ha\u00e7ik. Yamyam Hasan , Nesrin,\u00a0 \u00c7i\u011fdem D\u00fcz, Hacer, Erkan, Engin G\u00fcrp\u0131nar, (K\u0131zkarde\u015fleri)Esin, Bumin, \u0130stemi han Ulusoy, Joachim Saligmann,\u00a0 Karlludwig Uzun, G\u00f6n\u00fcl, Nur , Ali, Kemal (Dervi\u015f) Havadis, gibi arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 bu g\u00fcn bile hayal mayal\u2019de olsa hat\u0131rlayabiliyorum Sen keyfine bak, beni\u00a0\u00a0 merak etme, emi! Hem yaln\u0131z de\u011filim art\u0131k, gen\u00e7li\u011fim var yan\u0131mda. Anla\u015famazsak da y\u00fcce bir da\u011f gibidir arkamda. En az\u0131ndan koruyabiliyor,<\/span> kollayabiliyor, bu \u015fimdilik<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

yeter bana. \u00c7ok uzun y\u0131llar ayr\u0131 kald\u0131m sadece\u00a0 Ada gidi\u015flerim i\u015f icab\u0131n dan de\u011fil.\u00a0 Almanyadan, T\u00fcrkiyeye,<\/span><\/p>\n

\u0130stanbula bile geli\u015f\u00a0 en fazla iki g\u00fcnl\u00fck oluyordu. Bir \u015fekilde bu sayfay\u0131 g\u00f6r\u00fcrseniz ve Beni veyahut arkada\u015flar\u0131mdan tan\u0131d\u0131\u011f\u0131n\u0131z varsa kendilerine bir \u015fekilde ula\u015fmak isterim. bu yard\u0131m\u0131n\u0131z\u0131 esirgemeyiniz L\u00fctfen. Biliyor musun? \u0130lerde yan\u015fl\u0131l\u0131kla tan\u0131\u015faca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 anlatt\u0131 bir g\u00fcn bana.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

\u00dcsk\u00fcdar evimizin Bah\u00e7esi<\/span><\/p><\/div>\n

Dedim ya, sanki kahin. G\u00f6zlerim fal a\u015f\u0131 gibi a\u00e7\u0131lmas\u0131na ra\u011fmen,\u00a0<\/span>nedense inanmad\u0131m ona. G\u00fcya ya\u015fl\u0131l\u0131k, her \u015feyden koruyacakm\u0131\u015f beni. Bilginmi\u015f, ayd\u0131nm\u0131\u015f, sevecenmi\u015f. Pamuk gibi sakallar\u0131 varm\u0131\u015f bir de.\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0Bir de sonu\u00a0 \u00a0 Askerlik Gecesinde Muhterem Nur <\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Ertesi g\u00fcn olmayan uzun bir yolculuk i\u00e7in haz\u0131rl\u0131k planlar\u0131\u2026 Arkada\u015flar\u0131m\u0131 g\u00f6remedenmi? Kendileriyle bir t\u00fcrl\u00fc irtibata ge\u00e7ememenin sebeplerinide ara\u015ft\u0131r\u0131yorum\u2026\u00a0 <\/span>Bir \u00d6m\u00fcr d\u00f6rt farkl\u0131 ya\u015fam, ortam herhalde ne demek istedi\u011fimi anlat\u0131yordur. B\u00fcy\u00fckada\u2019da ba\u015flayan ya\u015fam\u0131m belkide orada huzur bulacak, hep \u00f6yle olmazm\u0131\u2026Dikilen tohum nekadar dallan\u0131p budaklansada k\u00f6k\u00fc neredeyse orada kurur yok olur nedense. Sahi bu konuda sen ne d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcn\u00fcyorsun? Tan\u0131yay\u0131m m\u0131 kendisini? Yoksa tan\u0131maya kalmadan keseyim mi nefesimi?<\/span><\/p>\n

Benimki de sa\u00e7mal\u0131k i\u015fte. Sana yazd\u0131\u011f\u0131m bu mektubu hangi adrese postalayaca\u011f\u0131m\u0131 bile\u00a0 bilmememe ra\u011fmen, bir de cevap beklemek sa\u00e7mal\u0131k de\u011fil de nedir sanki. Herhangi birilerine mi okusam acaba? Belki kulaktan kula\u011fa yay\u0131larak var\u0131r sana. Ne malum, bir bakm\u0131\u015fs\u0131n ayn\u0131 yolla senden cevaplar gelmi\u015f bana. Bunu umut ederek, sab\u0131rs\u0131zca bekleyece\u011fim.<\/span><\/p>\n

Hissettin galiba, k\u00fc\u00e7\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm Memo\u015f bana arkan\u0131 d\u00f6n\u00fcyorsun. Biliyorum senin g\u00f6zlerinin \u00f6n\u00fcnde beliren resimlerde bulan\u0131k, belkide sararm\u0131\u015f sand\u0131ktaki yerini alm\u0131\u015f. Sard\u0131k\u00e7a bant\u0131 geriye, resimler daha da bulan\u0131k. Sahne hep ayn\u0131 sahne. Suflede gelmiyor art\u0131k oyuncular yorgun kaybolmu\u015f, t\u00fckenmi\u015f ezberlerde. Ben kendi ge\u00e7mi\u015fimi ararken kendimde seni buldum. Tekrar\u0131 oynanmayacak oyunun tozlu sahnesinde.<\/span><\/p>\n

Zaten gen\u00e7likte\u00a0 \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumuzu\u00a0 \u00a0B\u00fcy\u00fcd\u00fc\u011f\u00fcm\u00fczde gen\u00e7li\u011fimizi aramak\u00a0 sa\u00e7malamak\u00a0 k\u0131rk\u0131ndansonra Bazen \u00e7ocuk, bazen gen\u00e7li\u011fe heves etmek de\u011filmidir bizleri yoran.<\/span><\/p>\n

Seni \u00e7ok sevdim \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, Gen\u00e7li\u011fim. Ho\u015f\u00e7a de\u011fil m\u00fcmk\u00fcnse hep \u00e7ocuk\u00e7a kal.\u00a0 G\u00fcn\u00fcn sonunda\u00a0 zaten \u00e7ocuk gibi oluyor ya insan\u00a0 Annemden bilirim. Son\u00a0 zamanlar\u0131nda\u00a0 \u00e7ocuklu\u011fumda bana yapt\u0131\u011f\u0131 asker lokmalarla, kand\u0131rarak, besleyerek az da olsa yedriebilirdim\u00a0 anneme.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Mehmet Tevfik \u00d6zkartal
\nMemo\u015f<\/p>\n

12.Nisan 2000<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u00d6zl\u00fcyorum \u00c7ocuklu\u011fumu Merhaba \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum, sanad\u0131r bu mektubum. Seni \u00e7ok \u00e7ok \u00f6zl\u00fcyorum, \u00e7ocuklu\u011fum..! Denenmi\u015f her \u015feye ra\u011fmen \u00e7aresiz ve sessizce. K\u0131z\u0131yorum sonra sana, ac\u0131yorum. O kadar tutkuyla ba\u011fl\u0131, o kadar vefayla sad\u0131k olmama ra\u011fmen, gidip d\u00f6nmeyi\u015fine k\u0131z\u0131yorum. \u00c7ok ani oldu, \u00e7ok vakitsiz, \u00e7ok gizemli. Bir veda bile etmedin ki. Hen\u00fcz buna bir isim bulma kavgas\u0131ndayken, terk […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[47,25],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3353"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=3353"}],"version-history":[{"count":31,"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3353\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3449,"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3353\/revisions\/3449"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=3353"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=3353"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/xn--zkartal-80a.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=3353"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}